Wow

Yeah, its been awhile since I blogged but it's also been awhile since I have sat down at a computer for a long length of time. It is a whopping 3 months til my wedding! I am finally going to be married at the age of 30...which I still can't get over that I'm done with my 20's...and hopefully all of my bridesmaids will be able to locate their dresses before the ceremony. One dress is missing in action right now. I'm a little worried about that. I've still got a ton of things to get done before the wedding and not enough money to do it in at the moment but that will all work out.

I am dying for a girls night out or a group night out. It doesn't even have to be a girls night. I just want to be with my group of friends for an evening. I thought about having a belated birthday get-together out on the town with everyone. Maybe I'll do that.

I long for carpet on my floors, roofs that don't leak, and a house that looks like a normal, clean, cozy, inviting home. Apparently that will be far far away in my dreams for the time being. If the house caught on fire from a lightning strike at this point I wouldn't cry. Well, as long as the dogs and family made it out of the house safely. I wish I could win the lottery and that way I could have the leverage to tell everyone that keeps screwing me over to kiss my butt. Then I would go buy a nice old victorian house and live happily ever after. Ahhh...the dreams of a nightshifter.

Something Witty

Well, given certain circumstances, I am having a great week. Things with my mother are shaky at best but I have never expected anything more than that since I was 18. I went to St John yesterday and took my nurse aide test for the processing of my application. If I can get my old job back, it will be a raise, more interesting, and i will be a lot happier.

Things are getting better a little bit at a time. The semester is almost over. I think we might be a little closer on getting the floors done in the house. Jeremy and I are working on our relationship and trying to make ourselves stronger. I have no doubts that we will be able to get through the stress and be even stronger than before. It's hard when you both work full time, going to school, you've sold a house, bought a house, had health issues, are planning for a wedding, raising two kids and four dogs (hey the dogs matter), and are trying to be nice and loving toward each other through all of it. I'm pretty sure God is laughing at us. haha you guys didn't think the obstacles would happen yet...joke's on you! It's all good though. We are both fighters and we'll make it just fine.

I am ready for the weekend though. Grace's first teeball game is Saturday morning and I've even got a shirt that says Mom and her number on it for me to wear. All i'm missing is the minivan...*shudders*. After the game, Misty gets the girls for the rest of the weekend. It's Grace's birthday on Sunday and Easter as well and as luck would have it, it's Misty's year to have them on Easter. So Jeremy and I get to think of ways to entertain ourselves this weekend. Maybe he'll take me to the new casino...*wink wink nudge nudge*

Ok I Fold

Ok this is definitely a vent blog if there ever was one. First off, my mother started off my weekend with a bang by purposely lying to me to keep me away from her house. She has it in her head that I'm going to cause issues with one of my stepsisters because I've been so cruel and rude to her at their house before...thats sarcasm just in case some people are wondering. Did it ever occcur to my mother that I might want to see my other sisters? I'm always nice and cordial to everyone when we go out there. I'm waiting on an apology from my mother. She owes me one for lying to me. My stepfather has already sent his apologies. My mother just has a hard time admitting she is wrong about anything. It's so hard for her to act like a mother. I really don't even know what it is supposed to feel like to have a motherly figure. I guess my closest thing to a motherly figure that I have right now is my mother-in-law. That's really sad since I've had like 10 stepmothers. Anyway, enough about that. It makes me ill.

I love Jeremy. I know he loves me. I know he is my soulmate and we are going to be together forever. But he just doesn't listen!!! I can't even count on my two hands how many times this weekend he would ask me a question about something after I had just told him 5 minutes before. And when something is bothering me, he doesn't make effort to talk about it. He sits silently in his recliner, watching tv, letting the problem sit and sit and sit until I've had enough silence and can't stand to be in the same room any longer. Then 2 hours later, he wants to talk about it when I've gone to bed. You know, if he would address the problem right then I might not be so angry later on!! If maybe he paid attention to what I was saying, how I was acting, questions I ask him...he might figure out that we might have a problem! And the problem is that he has stopped looking at me...he just stares right through me...and loses all ability to communicate with me below surface level. And the way he tries to hide conversations...not letting me know what has been said between he and his ex-wife about plans for the girls, times, places...i have to twist it out of him and even then I get barely any detail. Here's a news flash! I'm going to be your wife! I need details of conversations so I know whats going on, whats being said, and how I need to plan! I deserve to know what is being talked about. The less I know and the harder I have to pry, the more suspiscious I will be.

Peeving

Ok, so seriously, are Sapulpa Public Schools the only schools around Oklahoma that teach correct grammar and spelling? I understand talking with a southern accent if you are an okie. I have an accent. I have friends that have more twang in their voice than I do. I don't have a problem with that. That is part of our heritage. It's part of where we come from. However, incorrect grammar, using words that aren't even words, and basically taking pride in the fact that you sound like a hick and uneducated is completely annoying and actually quite offensive to me. Yes, my father was an English teacher. I was taught to speak correctly in my house or else I was corrected over and over until I got it right. However, my peeve isn't really stemming from that. I just think it is really offensive when people don't take enough pride or respect in themselves to sound educated. TO WANT TO SOUND EDUCATED. The English language was made to be spoken in a certain way. There is a correct way to speak our language. I think it would be really awesome if people would take pride in the language they speak and learn how to speak it halfway correctly so they sound like they made it through their senior year of high school.

Finish what is started

Why don't you finish a conversation instead of run off and pretend it didn't exist in the first place? Why don't you try and find a solution instead of pretend that everything is just fine and dandy? Take into consideration what is being said and try and talk it out instead of leave it at a disagree ment. Communication skills are a true key to anything and when they are nonexistant nothing gets accomplished and my life is going down a hill that is leading to being miserable. I am becoming nonexistant in my own household. My feelings don't matter and are pushed aside and I am supposed to pretend like everything is just fine. No I don't want to sit in front of the tv for hours on end. God forbid you try to love me like you used to. You break my heart on a daily basis and don't even care. I might as well be 60 and in a marriage where I walk around like a ghost. I cry when you don't see me. I pray to God you will at least pay attention long enough to realize something is wrong. Instead, I go to sleep at night hoping not to wake up crying again.

Blah

I have come to the conclusion that in order for me to stay in a semi-sweet mood I am going to have to keep myself medicated to keep my pain away, immediately get in comfy cothes when I get home, and take some time for myself tonight where I'm not bombarded with 1000 questions at once for hours on end from the girls. I think thats what is the first thing to set me in a bad mood is when I walk through the door I am automatically answering a 1000 different questions one right after the other until they go to bed. It grates my nerves. I want to tell them to breathe between sentences. I might sound bitchy but that annoys the hell out of me. I think it stems from being an only child and not having the option to annoy a big sister and my parents were either not home or in the hospital so I was always entertaining myself. I'm not saying that children shouldn't ask questions. I'm just saying that maybe they should spread them out a little more so it doesn't scramble my brain.

How Horrid!

OK! No one told me I still had half a tortilla stuck in my teeth before I returned to work from lunch! EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!